Thought Salad

Everything hurts.
My skin hurts.
My neck hurts.
My throat hurts.
My brain hurts.
I threw up for the first time in a long while this morning,
 then had the pleasure of enjoying a four hour drive with a screaming baby.
I really should have eaten more food yesterday. ><
Ah well, I shall be fine, enough complaints.

In lieu of getting Christmas presents, I bought myself a new snowboard, boots, and bindings. I forgot how much I enjoy snowboarding, it's a rush. I should probably slow down, but I won't. I feel like a noodle when I board. So bendy. :D

Still not sure about what I'm going to be doing for New Years yet. Possibly nothing, possibly something, possibly hiding in my room to avoid mass amounts of relatives.

Regardless, it's nice to be home.

Boxing Day is Beautiful

It doesn't feel like Christmas. I wish I wasn't here right now. I really do not want to watch this movie. Baaad memories. Oh well. I'm trying to be happy, really! There's just.. a lot of things making me upset I guess. It's nice to have people to talk to though. Holding on to the thought of tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be with family I actually fit in with. Tomorrow will be my real Christmas. As a matter of fact, it's past midnight now, so... Merry Michelle Christmas everyone. <3

Brain Hotel

You abide in my mind like it's a haven, a safe spot, a place to go when there's no one else, and you're alone. 

I tell you stop, I don't need you here, you're not welcome, but then I open the door and you waltz right into my brain with a grin on your face and a spring in your step. Tell me, what makes you like it so much here, why is it so easy for you to stay for hours, occupying my thoughts like there's nowhere else you'd rather be? I'd ask you to leave, get out, out of my sight out of my mind out of my personal thoughts, but I let you stay. I let you stay because no matter how much I wish you weren't the one living in my head, I know it's my fault. Not yours.

Allegedly Alluring

This week... It's been fairly excellent. There's some things I'm exceedingly confused about, but all in all, it's been decent. Also, I actually have friends! *Surprise*

Le middle brother is coming home tonight. Shouldn't be a bad thing. In fact, it actually has potential to be a fun time. Let's see how much he's matured, shall we?

You know those songs that when you hear them, you instantly think of specific people?
I've figured out the top three songs that do that for me without fail. And so, in order of when they became people-memory songs, here they are.

1) Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
2) The Indie Queens Are Waiting - Dan Mangan
3) Cult Logic - Miike Snow

And there you go. Unfortunately I'm not going to tell you who I relate to which song or why, but I guess that's something to ponder. Enjoy?

Charity

It's the last thing I need,
and the first thing I want.
I crave it, I hoard it.
I'll go out of my way
Just to take it from you
I'll wrench it away
To wallow in it
Disgusting.
If I play my cards right
It's easy to win.
It's a deadly poison
masked by a sweet scent,
Masquerading.
But I don't care
I need my fix
I'm a different person
Under it's influence
So shower me with it,
Let it rain down.
I'll soak it up
Inhale it.
It's killing me,
But I think it's all I've got.
So humor me,
save me,
suffocate me
with your pity

Exhausted Thoughts

There are three things I would like to talk about extremely out of context and with little or no details:

First.

I've been gone for a while.
I wonder what next week is going to be like.
Sometimes I wonder if people are glad I've been gone.
I think you would be.
At least a little.

Second.

I really wish you would stop.
I thought this was done a long time ago.
You're just making things harder for me.
Almost seems like you're doing it on purpose.

Third.

This is kind of creeping me out.
Why are you so easy to talk to.
 Stop it.
 Please.
I'm not supposed to trust people.
I just.. don't.
Especially not with how I feel.