Dear Cat
I love you dearly. I enjoy the fact that for some reason you actually consent to being my little spoon at night when I am cold and in need of kitten cuddles. However. I really, really do not enjoy when you nose around my dresser and knock over the bottle of nail polish remover and spill it directly onto myself, my bed, and my lap top. Not cool. I now have two less blankets available for my use, and my room smells like death. I also don't want to even know how much of that stuff got absorbed into my leg. I swear to glob, if you poisoned me, cat... But I digress. Please, just... stop sticking your nose everywhere. You are a cat. Go sleep on my bed. Stop being interested in things. Seriously.
Sincerely, I'm now no longer wearing pants.
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