The Story of my People

Let me tell you the story of my people. One day long long ago there was a flood of grape drank. The grape drank was so very grape that everyone started turning purple, untill a banana man appeared on top of a floating glacier of harry potter books. The banana man declared that everyone should be able to taste the taste of stale butter so he took my purple people onto his harry potter barge, and they sailed away. After not an entirely long amount of time they arrived in Peurto Penasco, which at that time was the home of the worlds stalest butter, and declared the land to be theirs but some mexicans showed up and kicked them out so they kept sailing untill they arrived on a secret island and the banana man died from butter poisoning. On the secret island there was so much icecream. So much of it. So much, in fact, that the purple people became coloured like different flavours of icecream, except some of them were still purple because they were grape icecream. Then they started eating all of the icecream and after 2,000,000,000 minutes they had eaten every last drop of the magically still frozen icecream. It was then that they discovered that the secret island was actually a turtle who had obtained the icecream to stay cool, so obviously he was kind of pissed off when they ate it all, and he demanded they sacrifice the oldest person who was missing a limb in their community. So old Mr. Chewdluer had to go. Thankfully the turtle wasn't going to eat him though, he just wanted someone who was missing a limb to keep him company because he thought people with disabilities were interesting, and he didn't really like children all that much, so everything turned out alright. Nobody else liked Mr.Chewdluer anyways because they all said he smelled like strange bagels (Which was partially true). Anyways, as the turtle was still not entirely impressed with anyone, he swam to land and kicked everybody off. Turned out they were in holland now, and there were no mexicans to kick them out! Just a lot of dutch people who were constantly baking cakes that looked like cats and trying to sell them for sexual favours (sometimes this was effective). After a week of walking through holland, my people arrived at a waterfall of clouds. As they cautiously approached this strange phenomenon, a herd of yellow pegasi galloped out of the surrounding forest and swept them onto their backs as they flew into the sky. Suddenly everyone was wearing propeller beanies, but that was irrelevant. The pegasus herd flew them to a new land that appeared to be filled with giant dull, rusty potato peelers.They told them they needed to clean the largest potato peeler they could find and bring it back to the pegasi when they were finished. After twelve fortnights, the potato peeler was perfected. Not one area had a speck of rust or dirt, and the blade had been sharpened to perfection. Unfortunately all of the grape icecream people had mysteriously died by this point. They brought the peeler back to the herd who congragulated them, and then proceded to eat it. Then they swept them back onto their winged backs and brought them to another new land; Canada. In canada they prospered in their boring, dull lives filled with meticulous tasks untill they happened upon the internet and all turned into bar stools except for two people, who proceeded to mate into the culture of the rest of Canada and the world and that is the story of my people.