I Choose Option #3

I've started doing this thing where I actually keep track of sleep cycles and when to go to sleep in order to wake up at what times and all that and it's going pretty great. The reason this is relevant is that apparently I have half an hour to kill before I should go to sleep, and I decided I may as well post on this blog that I'm 97% sure literally nobody reads. So here we are. 

First things first, let me tell you about my personal struggle with my laptop's "A" key. Nearly every time I press it, it either sticks, and  I get two a's, or it doesn't register that I hit it at all, and I get none. It's extremely aggravating, and quite useless. I don't even think I know any words that exist that have a double a. Except Aaron, but one of them is capitalized so it doesn't even work out. There's also a solid bar of eight lines running vertically down the entirety of my laptop screen in around a half inch range which is easily fixable by applying a small amount of pressure. Unfortunately, it's a laptop, so there's basically no way to fix that long term. #thestruggleisreal

As a slight continuation to my last post, I changed my degree (BSc in Natural Science with concentrations in Physics and Math, ooOo) and might be able to get into that architecture minor/possibly do internshippy stuff this summer which could be interesting. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm either going to be graduating next year, doing a semester or two abroad, or taking an extra year to do the minor. Or maybe I'll just drop out and cry all the time, I've heard that's also an option. 

Fry Ends

I feel like I kind of suck at making new friends. I mean, I made friends at the university alright but part of me can't help but feel that the majority of those friendships started based only on the fact that someone liked/was attracted to me, was friendly to me, and then their friends just accepted me into their little groups because their friend was into me. Which really is not me trying to be egotistical at all, but rather just something sort of weird that I'm not really a fan of. I don't think I'm super great at making friends though so I suppose it's alright that it at least worked out somewhat. Now that I've been in a relationship for nearly two years, it's nice that some of those previously mentioned people are still my friends, so I may be wrong about their initial intentions anyway (wow I just said friend-related words a lot there).

Work has been pretty good for that at least. Getting to know and hang out with other females is a thing that doesn't get to happen a lot for me so I'm rather enjoying that... even if the girl that initiated hanging out is a lesbian and also was sort of into me. God, if I wasn't somewhat attractive maybe I'd actually just be a huge loser. Probably? I don't know man. Anyway, apart from the people I work with, work has been super incredibly shitty, BUT I'm finally starting to learn process and line stuff this Monday, which I am excited about. I guess I'll probably update on that after it happens, just in case the one or two people who for some reason find themselves reading this are overcome with curiosity.

Moving things in a different direction, I've decided I'd really like to pursue architecture. So, I'm going to see what I can do about squeezing a minor in that into my degree, and then hopefully head off to do architecture grad school things somewhere. I suppose I'll also update on that, but it might be a bit further down the road, especially if I forget about this blog for another year.

On a closing note, I'm really, really bad at Octodad.

Battle my Rones

So I decided to look at my blog for the first time in a while today...

while baking cookies
with pretty damn long hair (that is also green at the moment)
and I must say, 19 has turned out to be pretty alright.

Feels good man. Things have turned around since my last post.

Rattle my Bones

So far, being 19 has been pretty shitty.

Just thought I'd update on that.

I guess my hair is getting pretty long though, so that's cool.

I want to make cookies but I have no ingredients.

Sucks.

Chips and Salsa for Dinner, Bitches

                   ~

   Not having homework 

   I really don't remember

  What the fuck that's like 

                   ~

This has been a haiku about my life problems.

Convince Me Otherwise

It's odd to look at what people I used to be incredibly close friends with are like now, what they're doing, who they're seeing or who they're friends with. It makes me feel lonely, I suppose. Lonely in the sense that I feel like I don't have friends anymore, which is pretty stupid as I know I do. Sometimes it just seems like the ones I have don't want to be friends with me as much as I'd like. Even in my relationship, I feel like I'm just not very valued, maybe taken for granted. It's hard to say I suppose. I like to show people how much I care about them but it gets to be a bigger task when it never seems to be reciprocated. I know there are people who do care, it's just easy to forget, and easy to convince yourself otherwise when nobody is reminding you.

Such a Sad Fish Face

I get a bit scared thinking about the future sometimes. My future, more specifically. Astrophysics doesn't really seem to be a career with a bunch of job opportunities just leaping up at you once you graduate, but I think I'd like to stick with it regardless. Even if I have to take a year or two off after I graduate just to work and save up money to continue my education after I get a bachelors, I'd be down with that. It's easy to be afraid when everything seems to tell you that if you graduate and aren't immediately working in your field you're some sort of failure. It's easy to think so, at least. If I took engineering then maybe finding applicable jobs would be a bit easier and that would be a bit more true (though certainly not entirely), but I get the feeling I won't be quite so lucky with the whole space-physics thing. Either way, I guess I'm going to have to find out eventually.

Just gonna have to try not to fuck things up until then.

Also Bee and Puppycat. Soon.

Orange is my Least Favourite Colour

Oh I do wish I didn't see that.

Often, I think life would be simpler if I were a less passionate person. Maybe it would be easier to deal with things, maybe they wouldn't bother me so much. Maybe all the stupid meaningless things that upset me wouldn't matter any more. I suppose it's possible for me to just not let them bother me regardless... Not that I haven't tried that, of course. At the same time however, being a passionate person defines so many other parts of my life that I guess there has to be some things I dislike about it just to balance everything out. I just wish the bad things wouldn't make me feel like a crazy person. It's not that I'm stupid enough to act on anything, I just get upset I suppose, and without good reason. It'd be easy enough to fix that, but that's the part I can't quite do on my own, and the few people able to fix it never quite know how, or realize anything needs to be done at all. Not that I'm blaming them, of course, because that would be a very ridiculous thing to do and it's not really anything terribly important anyway. I don't quite know what I'm going on about here and I seem to have failed quite completely at explaining it, but oh well. Have a blog post. Merry Wednesday.

Cherribly Strange

I have very mixed feelings about cherries.

I love fresh cherries and cherry pie.
Frozen cherries are usually gross.
Cherry flavoured things, like candies, cakes, chapstick and the like are also usually gross.
Aaand maraschino cherries are pretty nasty.

Cherries, man. 

They're a weird flavour.

Wish You'd be Bothered

Taking four hour naps in the middle of the day fucks me up.

Not even physically really, just how I think about things.

Probably physically as well. 

I feel like I'm going to throw up collectively through my heart and my brain. And also how people normally throw up.

Gross. 

I am a Grateful Grapefruit

     Sometimes I just think about my life and think about all the things I wish were different, and then I take a minute and realize how lovely it actually is, and I think about all the things I don't appreciate nearly as much as I ought to.

     Also a thing that confuses me is why so many people post like, 6 things a day from reddit or whatever on their facebook. I'm pretty sure most of the people actually interested in your nerdy comedic pictures know where to go to look at the pictures and have probably already seen them. I don't know. It seems obnoxious. Pretty much the only thing keeping me from deleting my facebook right now is the fact that people post answers and helpful stuff for my physics class there. Which is surprisingly useful, so I guess I'll just keep on having facebook. You'd think I'd have the willpower to just not use facebook apart from that, but I really, really don't. Oh well.

     I remember when I was younger, after dinner my parents would go to the living room with coffee or tea or wine and just sit together and listen to classical music and talk about things.

I always liked that.

Have I Ever Even Tried Chipotle?

So hey guys life's pretty good and stuff. Actually though!

I found out I got an entrance scholarship for $1,250 from U of C, so put together with the other ones I got from DTSS I pretty much don't have to pay for school this year. Haven't completely done the math yet, so I could be home free. Either way it's pretty awesome. Not sure who reads this blog that lives in invermere still, but I won't be home for thanksgiving. I also have a physics midterm on my birthday so that's really nice (yes, that statement is dripping with sarcasm).

I've been having really weird dreams lately and, on a (probably) unrelated note, too many assignments due like every dayyyy. Webassign can suck my dick. Lyrix can suck my dick, and 'Pearson'whateverthefuckmycalculusclassusestosubmitassignmentsiscalled can also suck my dick.

Apart from that though, it's nice. I finally got my bed moved into my room and have a desk in there, so I have somewhere to do my work with music and space and stuff, which is really awesome, plus it reminds me a lot of my room at home now, which is kinda nice.

And as a final goodbye (for this post, at least), let me tell you that I just ate the best fucking sandwich of my life. Because I did, and it was beautiful.

Ain't Too Proud to Plead, Baby Baby.

       Well. It has certainly been an interesting past few weeks.
So, in my last post I mentioned not knowing what my future held. In the long run, I certainly still have no idea, but what I was worried about seems to have sorted itself out in a rather interesting manner.

        U of C informed me that they had no room for me in their science program. Which, yes, rather sucked. But then I had the chance to go to Europe, so that was certainly an exciting prospect. Theeeen, the Friday before classes were due to start, I got an email while at work that informed me I had been accepted after all.

        "We have recently become aware of inconsistencies in the University admission processes which initially led to us denying your application.  I would like to sincerely apologize for this situation, as I am sure this has adversely affected you.  After further review and reassessment, I am very pleased to be able to now offer you admission to the Faculty of Science with a major in Astrophysics"

       So the next day at 3:00 pm I had moved out of my lovely house on Columbia Lake and began the drive to my new home in Calgary, and was attending class on Monday. So that's where I've been this week! I must say, I think I rather like it so far.

Anyway. Yeah, that's life so far. It's pretty cool I guess, only gotten myself lost about 12 times on campus, but it could definitely be worse!

Won't Go Nowhere

My life right now is strange.

      I want some kind of structure, some solid fact or event I can base my future off but (thus far at least) nothing seems to be there. I still haven't found out whether or not I'm even accepted into university and I straight up have no idea what I'm going to do if I don't get in.

     Suppose I'd like to go to Europe, but fat chance of that happening. Of course, I'd rather be going to university but I just have this sinking feeling it's not going to work; either they won't have room or I just won't get in or.. something stupid.

I just want things to be radically different... but normal.

Don't Let Me Fuck This Up, Guys

I don't think that was a stupid decision.
 It was less of a stupid decision than others I've made I'm sure?
Whatevs yo'.
Ugh my taste-buds are mutinying. Why do they hate me so?
Seriously taste-buds. Stahp.

Okay guys.

Two weeks.

I'm going to cry.

Guess I better go work on my lines.

This Title Bar is Wider than Usual I think? Weird.

So life is interesting. Being a person is weird. I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Anyways, I'm rather enjoying living in my house alone. I haven't really done anything, but it's nice regardless! I'm pretty bad at remembering to put my laundry in the dryer though. I'm working on it however.  

This lovely weather is also pretty fucking awesome. Although I must say I am pretty much scared shitless about the play and lines and blocking and painting and just yeah the play. There's three weeks still but I mean... shit. I am afraid. Which I guess is a good thing because it'll make me work hard to get it all done, but I have all of these other things to do too and just blargharghargh. 

Anyways I'll probably write some ramblings on here again soon if I remember. 

Funny How Things That Matter so Much Change so Easy

I wrote a poem just now.

-------------

            Okay.
       Hi.
Yeah.
What am I doing.
      What are these feeeeeeels
                      Why.
                       Am.
                         I.
                   AUGH.

-------------

Isn't it just beautiful?
Honestly it's pretty accurate to what's going through my brain recently.
At least physics isn't raping me like it was yesterday.
Not being physics-raped is always fun, right?
(The answer is yes)

SO yeah anyways COMIC EXPO ON THE WEEKEND

This is good. I get to be not in invermere, chill with my cousin, and dress like a disguised princess.
Fuck yes.
Also I'm getting a ride to Calgary with Mr. Sherk and his brother. Which should be interesting?
Then Monday my parents are leaving me for like, 2+ weeks to go to Pheonix, and a majority of the time Ill be home alone so that should be nice so long as I don't do something stupid. I guess that kind of applies to everything though.

"I'm a Psycho Baby" Versus "I'm a Psycho, Baby."

And we're all happy. Except for how we're not I guess.

Ah. Well. Where am I going with this ramble. It's strange. I think that yeah, happiness is a choice, but at the same time it's completely not, as emotions layer on top if each other and things get out of hand. I think happiness has the potential to be a choice, but you still have to work for it, and yeah things aren't going to be awesome all the time, or maybe even any of the time for a while. But I guess that's just how it is or something. Looking at it that way makes sense for me, at least. There's always at least one thing that probably doesn't suck.

The mosquito and/or spider bites on my legs are causing me to go insane, however.

Anyways, I feel enlightened on the minuscule scale this evening.

-It's Something!-


... But seriously guys, I'm a psycho baby.

Woah There

Alright just a one sentence post this time I promise because okay guys it's two in the morning and I don't know why I'm writing on my blog and not in my bed and why do I always get super hungry right before bedtime oh wait maybe it's because I'm always hungry ahhg my room is a complete disaster maybe I'll get up earlier tomorrow to fix it before going snowboarding which could potentially be fun if everyone doesn't ditch me again but hey oh well I guess it wasn't so bad going by myself and wow I'm lonely and fuck you Micah just kidding I love you come back please or you know whatever like that's ever going to happen and holy SHIT how do I let my room get this messy honestly I can barely walk on the floor and wow I should really work on my relationships with people except for the whole part with how I don't really give a fuck because I'm leaving anyways and I'm back at work I guess which is niceish because I made a bunch of moneys which I probably need and also finally did scholarship stuff like two days before the final deadline so yeah I probably don't even deserve any but whatever give me money and yep I don't really have anything else to say except we fucking got fruitopia on tap at work and it's OFF THE WAAAALLLL yeah it's tasty have a good day WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING GOODNIGHT

I'm Taking An Emotional Shit.

So I'm heading off to Calgary for a week-ish.
I think it'll be good for me. I think it'll be good to be away from everything, from everyone. I won't have to sit at home alone thinking of stupid things and... yeah hopefully I'm just going to stop thinking about all the shitty stuff I find myself thinking about all the time. I just need less time to myself to be miserable I think. It's like.. I want to be around people I enjoy being around (as most people do) but.. I just don't enjoy anyone I guess? And I like being by myself, but I'm lonely or something too. I need interaction but I don't want it. Well I do, but it's all complicated and boring and babooooons.

AND NOW FOR MY THOUGHTS ON TEN PEOPLE I KNOW WHICH YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT PROBABLY WHO KNOWS

1) Fuck you.
2) You are annoying as fuck.
3) You Can Piss Right Off Good Sir.
4) I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
5) You can remove yourself from my brain.
6) I'm glad you're a person.
7) Fucking pull yourself together. Seriously.
8) You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
9) Thank you for existing and sorry I suck.
10) You have not changed a bit. Except now you're hotter I guess?