Thought Salad

Everything hurts.
My skin hurts.
My neck hurts.
My throat hurts.
My brain hurts.
I threw up for the first time in a long while this morning,
 then had the pleasure of enjoying a four hour drive with a screaming baby.
I really should have eaten more food yesterday. ><
Ah well, I shall be fine, enough complaints.

In lieu of getting Christmas presents, I bought myself a new snowboard, boots, and bindings. I forgot how much I enjoy snowboarding, it's a rush. I should probably slow down, but I won't. I feel like a noodle when I board. So bendy. :D

Still not sure about what I'm going to be doing for New Years yet. Possibly nothing, possibly something, possibly hiding in my room to avoid mass amounts of relatives.

Regardless, it's nice to be home.

Boxing Day is Beautiful

It doesn't feel like Christmas. I wish I wasn't here right now. I really do not want to watch this movie. Baaad memories. Oh well. I'm trying to be happy, really! There's just.. a lot of things making me upset I guess. It's nice to have people to talk to though. Holding on to the thought of tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be with family I actually fit in with. Tomorrow will be my real Christmas. As a matter of fact, it's past midnight now, so... Merry Michelle Christmas everyone. <3

Brain Hotel

You abide in my mind like it's a haven, a safe spot, a place to go when there's no one else, and you're alone. 

I tell you stop, I don't need you here, you're not welcome, but then I open the door and you waltz right into my brain with a grin on your face and a spring in your step. Tell me, what makes you like it so much here, why is it so easy for you to stay for hours, occupying my thoughts like there's nowhere else you'd rather be? I'd ask you to leave, get out, out of my sight out of my mind out of my personal thoughts, but I let you stay. I let you stay because no matter how much I wish you weren't the one living in my head, I know it's my fault. Not yours.

Allegedly Alluring

This week... It's been fairly excellent. There's some things I'm exceedingly confused about, but all in all, it's been decent. Also, I actually have friends! *Surprise*

Le middle brother is coming home tonight. Shouldn't be a bad thing. In fact, it actually has potential to be a fun time. Let's see how much he's matured, shall we?

You know those songs that when you hear them, you instantly think of specific people?
I've figured out the top three songs that do that for me without fail. And so, in order of when they became people-memory songs, here they are.

1) Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
2) The Indie Queens Are Waiting - Dan Mangan
3) Cult Logic - Miike Snow

And there you go. Unfortunately I'm not going to tell you who I relate to which song or why, but I guess that's something to ponder. Enjoy?

Charity

It's the last thing I need,
and the first thing I want.
I crave it, I hoard it.
I'll go out of my way
Just to take it from you
I'll wrench it away
To wallow in it
Disgusting.
If I play my cards right
It's easy to win.
It's a deadly poison
masked by a sweet scent,
Masquerading.
But I don't care
I need my fix
I'm a different person
Under it's influence
So shower me with it,
Let it rain down.
I'll soak it up
Inhale it.
It's killing me,
But I think it's all I've got.
So humor me,
save me,
suffocate me
with your pity

Exhausted Thoughts

There are three things I would like to talk about extremely out of context and with little or no details:

First.

I've been gone for a while.
I wonder what next week is going to be like.
Sometimes I wonder if people are glad I've been gone.
I think you would be.
At least a little.

Second.

I really wish you would stop.
I thought this was done a long time ago.
You're just making things harder for me.
Almost seems like you're doing it on purpose.

Third.

This is kind of creeping me out.
Why are you so easy to talk to.
 Stop it.
 Please.
I'm not supposed to trust people.
I just.. don't.
Especially not with how I feel.

I Really Don't Expect Anyone to Read This.

Bold = Things I agree with / am. 
Italic = Comments

I am a morning person.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am Moeslem.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse. Depends on the situation.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car.
I have a cell phone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have had a broken bone.
I have caller ID on my phone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.  ... heh. 
I have had my hair cut within the last week. Well, cut it myself. 
I have had the cops called on me.
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
I have kissed someone of the same gender.
I have mood swings on occasion.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex and the City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own and use a library card.
I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math. Unless I'm good at it. :b
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.  Sometimes..
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I am American.
I love pickles.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.
I'm currently confused about someone’s feelings for me.
I have been in a serious relationship before.
I currently wish I had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
i own an iPod of some sort.
I do not like my sibling’s girlfriend/boyfriend.
I drink too much alcohol.
I should drink more water. 
I have been to the Olive Garden.
I have taken medicine of some sort this week.
I play video games.
I watch cartoons.
It is really cold in my house right now.
It is really hot in my house right now.
I'm extremely dependent on others.
I don't like to express my feelings in front of others. With exceptions. 
I have watched the sun set. If anyone hasn't... shame on you. 
I have felt an earthquake.
I have won a contest.
I have made a snow angel.
I have been snowboarding.
I have been water skiing.
I have sang karaoke in public.
I have been in a mosh pit.
I have laid on my back and watched cloud shapes pass by.
I have built an igloo.
I have made a gingerbread house.
I have made a snowman.
I have been ice skating.
I have flown a kite.
I have had a tea party.
I have built a sand castle.
I have played poker.
I have gone sledding.
I have cheated while playing a game.
I have been out of the country.
I have been on a cruise ship.
I'd rather own a cat than a dog.
I have been on a plane.
I have had braces.
I have witnessed a crime.
I have squished barefoot through mud.
I have swam in the ocean.
I have felt like I was dying.
I have cried myself to sleep.
I have played cops and robbers.
I have played a Nintendo Wii.
I watch American Idol.
I have paid for a meal with only coins.
I have made a prank phone call.
I have kissed in the rain.
I have written a letter to Santa Claus.
I have blown bubbles.
I have made a bon fire on the beach.
I have been on a road trip out of state.
I have been rollerblading.
I had a wish come true.
I have been humped by a dog on the leg.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I have screamed “penis” or “vagina”. Because I'm just THAT mature. 
I have swam with dolphins.
I have gotten a speeding ticket.
I have sat on a roof top.
I have screamed at the top of my lungs.
I can do a cartwheel.
I have talked on the phone more than 3 hours at a time.
I have picked and ate an apple off the tree.
I have climbed a tree.
I have been in a tree house.
I believe in ghosts.
I have gone skinny dipping.
I have been inside a jail.
I have jumped in a pool with all my clothes on.
I have caught a fish.
I have been asked to make a porno.
I have caught a butterfly.
I have mooned/flashed someone.
I have french braided someones hair.
I have rode a roller coaster.
I have been scuba diving.
I have had a cavity.
I have fallen going up stairs.
I have been shot.
I have flattened someones tires.
I have been in a car that ran out of gas.
I will be legitimately impressed if someone reads this.

Roof Ramblings

Sometimes I reflect on the things I've done and wonder what my life might be like if I had never done them. I wonder how I'd feel right now if I had never told you how I felt. I wonder if I would still have feelings for you now if I hadn't told you then. Probably. I still don't regret telling you though, even though when you asked if I did, it sounded like you expected me to. To be honest, I kind of thought I would regret it too, but I don't. I don't think I ever will. There's not really any point to regretting little things, so I try to avoid it. "Oh, I wish I hadn't done that, but I did, and now there's nothing I can do about it." Doesn't seem very logical to me, but I guess we all do it to a degree. So many things are affected by decisions, it's a little bit mind blowing. It used to scare me, but now... now I don't know. I suppose I've kind of gotten over things scaring me the way they used to. I don't really know why I'm thinking about this right now, either. This all happened quite a while ago. I should also stop staring at the ceiling. I get waaay to philosophical.

My Brain is a Retard

I feel like I'm not one person. I don't really know how the hell I'm supposed to explain this, but I'm going to try. Not to say I'm bipolar or anything (Well, I don't think I am..), it's just that I feel like there's a billion different people trapped inside me, and I'm trying to find the one I'm supposed to be. Narrowing it down has been easy enough I suppose, almost like a game. The difficult part now, is that all these different people that are still left inside me want to do different things with my life, and I still haven't decided which of them I'm going to try and be. Keep in  mind I'm not talking personalities, I'm talking different people, Which may seem slightly contradictory (or completely absurd), but it makes sense in my brain, mostly. I think "personality" is just another word for soul, and thankfully I know exactly who I am in that department. I really don't know why I'm posting this, or even bothering to attempt to explain it for that matter, but you probably get the just of it. Or not. It's kind of irrelevant, really.

Let the Battle Begin!

For about a week, I realized I had been using caps lock where most people use shift (beginnings of sentences, names, etc), and using shift where most people use capslock (Say, an ALL CAPS RAGE. Or... maybe I should say... ALL SHIFT RAGE!). Anyways, just thought I'd share that.

Also, I enjoy pun wars. Especially when I win.

Soup, There's a Fly in My Waiter

Blogging time! Alright, so updates are in order, I suppose.
Last week was nice enough, found the play we're going to be doing in drama. Don't really like it all that much, but instead of complaining, I'll just try to make it better. I hope I get a decent part, at least.
I must say, I rather enjoy Thursdays after school, ranting over hot chai tea lattes is my favourite part of the day.
New adventure time and regular show episodes today, can't complain about that. Went to Cranbrook which was naice. Unfortunately my phone has gone into a coma, and the soonest it can possibly be revived is Wednesday night, and even then I might just get a new one. Among other things, I reeally wished I liked you less.

Anyways, Just made some delicious dinner because I was bored. Probably gonna go play some warcraft. Anyone want to go buy me some pumpkin pie? Kthnxbai. <3

Snurf

Haven't written lately, Haven't wanted to. Possible longer post this weekend.

Hat in a Rat Bat

Back to myself today... I hope, at least.
This morning has been rather strange so far. It feels ten times longer than most mornings do...

I also have a math test last block that I am sincerely unprepared for. Tuesdays are usually my favourite days, but today it shall be filled with the-terror-of-an-upcoming-math-test.

Ah well. At least it's not on the double.

In other news, I'm going to go brush my teeth, and then get on the bus (fascinating, right?). Good day to you all!

I Apologize in Advance for My Language

Can you please grow the fuck up? You honestly fucking ruin everything for me... All the time. I hate this. I don't try to ask for much, but you and your fucking little problems just mess everything up. You honestly don't seem to care. It's all about you, always fucking has been. Maybe you don't realize how much you affect our entire family with your self centered life, but you do. Maybe try getting some values. I just find it so hard to believe that you haven't grown up at all! Seriously... Yeah, I know it's not completely your fault, I know dad gets pissed at you pretty fucking easily, but maybe if you weren't such an self absorbed ass, it wouldn't happen in the first place. You have no idea the shit I put up with, but maybe if you realized how your actions can affect other people, I wouldn't have to be writing this crap that I'm never going to say to your face because I know it would just make matters worse. Oh, and I still love you and what not. I just wish you could grow up and see what you're doing to our family. To me. But whatever, I'll just deal with it like I always do. I mean what else can I do, it's been nineteen years, and you obviously haven't figured it out yet. Then everyone tells me their problems, I feel like I'm the fucking family shrink. I know what everyone needs to do, but of course it's not my place to tell them, because they'd probably just get pissed off and go all "you wouldn't understand!". You'd be surprised how much you understand when you have all the sides of the story. You'd also be surprised how you can usually trace the entire problem back to one egocentric person. Not that I'm saying my family is one huge disaster zone, it's usually pretty alright. You just have a tendency to piss everyone off.

Captive

What even?
Shoulder blades.
Shoulder. Blades.



Blades.

Lamprophonic

You look like a kitten. A very happy kitten. I like it a lot. 

I wish I actually did my homework sometimes. I used to, I really did. Then, somewhere along the line, I just lost pretty much all of my motivation. I wish I could just not do all these things I feel pressured to do. 

I hope it's nice out tomorrow. I hope this doesn't fail. I hope I actually talk to you. 

I wish I didn't have to be so nice. I mean, nice in situations I wish I didn't have to be nice in. 

I feel like I can't write everything I want to write because people are just going to ask about it.

Sometimes I want to talk about things, sometimes I don't. 

I had a good day today. That's probably not exactly evident from the rest of this post, but its moderately true nonetheless. 

We Were Made in the Dark

I think there's a side of me that nobody actually knows.

It's strange to think about it, actually. I feel like there's this little part of me that nobody but me is ever going to know, and I think maybe that's why I'm such an independent person. I mean, it's not that I don't like being around people, because I love it! But doing things alone, not having to take anyone else's thoughts into consideration... it just appeals to me. Obviously I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else or anything, because I'm not. I'd just usually rather do things that aren't particularly social by myself. :D

On that note, I should probably go finish my book report poster.

Today, My Socks are Blue

Why is it whenever I don't really need a cool idea for anything, I come up with all these intense things, but whenever I have to do something "creative" for school, I can't think of anything?


                       


                Someone called me dumb for using a thesaurus the other day.
                                        I called them a repugnant dolt.

Narshlaves Coming in From Above!

I have something to confess. You see, I've got this thing with microwaves.
Actually, I guess this applies to alarm clocks, timers, and the like.

Everybody's always judging me. They claim I put mayonnaise on ALL the things (Not true!), and now they judge my strange OCD habits.

For example, if I'm heating something up in the microwave, I never put it in for a pitiful twenty seconds, or anything well rounded or ending with a five, for that matter. It's got to be some random obscure number like 37, or 44, or 21. I also put things in for 122 seconds, rather than putting in for two minutes.

I do it with alarm clocks as well! I get up in the morning at 6:24. Baking? Same deal. Recipe calls for 15-20 minutes? It's going in for 18, and there's nothing you can do about it. Dunno why I feel the need to do it. I don't even know when or how this all started, to be honest.

Just thought I'd... come clean? I don't think that's exactly the term I was looking for, but it'll do.


On a completely separate horse of thought, I started making my sword today. Huzzah.

Thaaat's Enough.

Well. Haven't posted in a while, but that's due to unforeseen circumstances and me being moderately crazy in the brain.

Also, I'm kind of a little bit scared for Tuesday. Or a lot.

I should probably do my book report.
Idunwanna.

On another note, conflicting feelings are conflicting!

I don't have anything else to say.
Actually, I have a LOT to say, but I'm not going to say any of it!
Fuck.

Come on, Grab Your Friends

Time for the new Adventure Time Episode.
After this, my evening will be complete.

Release The Hounds!

I hope you realize that treating me like an idiot just makes you sound like... a pretty inconsiderate person (a.k.a.  bitch), rather than making me feel belittled. So uh... yeah. Good job.

I hate how my lips get dry when I'm sick. Well actually, they don't. They just hurt. That line that separates the outside of your lip and the inside of your mouth? Yeah. That's what hurts right now. I don't even know. 

On a completely different train of thought, landmines are fucking scary. 

-If the shoe doesn't t fit the beauty, then it can fit the beast- 

"IT DOERSNMT LERT NMER TERX"

.. My phone is making me sound like a drunken retard who's recently been introduced to technology and is attempting to text for the first time. NICE!

Moving on, got some new music today. That was fun.

What wasn't fun, was not being able to breathe pretty much all day! I felt like I had no nose, or use of it anyways (I'm becoming Voldemort oh shiieeeet). 

Apart from being momentarily diseased, life has been alright lately. I've discovered that yes, I do indeed have friends that actually like me! Le gaspe! 

I like happy songs. Weeeeee. 

Due to being sick and having a lack of energy, this is all you get today. Best post evar, am I right?

Suddenly Stumps

I realize I haven't posted in a while. This is due to a few different things, the first of which that I really don't have a lot to talk about. Actually, I sort of do, but it's nothing I really feel the need to do so on this here, although I guess that's sort of the point of a blog anyways.

Second of all, I've been working, but to be honest that's hardly an excuse. Besides, I've only got three shifts left until I'm free! Haaaallelujah!

Thirdly, every time I go to write something, I just get stumped. (Who the hell came up with the word stumped, anyways? Think about it. You get... stumped? Really? I just see someone doing something then suddenly BAM. A stump.) Anyways, I end up writing maybe two sentences, then I realize nobody cares and I don't really have anything interesting to say that won't involve me complaining about things that don't really matter in the least. :D

So, in lieu of apologetic cupcakes, I've decided to try and post more often. Maybe even once a day! But we'll see how that goes. I wouldn't expect much, but you never know. ^-^

Silent Idiot

I hate when people make things really awkward just by being somewhere.

I love how my cat just sits on me for ever and stares at me like he's going to claw my face off if I even think about getting up. Oh, how he loves me. 

Only 21% Not Great

Today was 79% more-great than I expected it to be    (...I am beast at grammar).

In no particular order, here are things that made my day better; First, I randomly talked about flowers with a dutch boy. I also may have found someone I actually want to sit with in my socials class (that's pretty impressive), and I didn't even mind having double math (also an accomplishment). Somebody brought my free pop-tarts. I drew an alligator with a duck on his snout, and I found out that the crispy white part of romaine lettuce is kind of like a strange, juicy, lettucy candy when you dip it in sugar. I also found out two quarters + three people can turn into a hilarious game that makes no sense. I actually spent my entire ten minute break with one person, which was enjoyable and honestly doesn't happen that often, and lunch hour was just as nice. I'm now definitely friends with that awesome kid. I also learned the truth about something/some people that made me sad, until I realized I honestly didn't care, and then it made me feel... accomplished, I guess. I started a new book. I think I just need to write all this down to remind myself how good my day actually was, and not let a few lame things make it seem like it sucked. So there you have it, a brief glance at the highlights of my day.


I'm pretty sure most glances are brief anyways, but I thought I should specify. 

Snoring Cat

It's nice when best friends disregard you, isn't it?
Ah well, I guess I saw that coming anyways.

So. I haven't written in a while. Lets think of things to blab about, shall we?

Hmm. I said a lot of goodbyes on Thursday. It was... an oddity. It made me think about when I'll be the one people are saying goodbye to. It was strange.

On another note, there's someone I'd like to say hello to. Even though I talk to them like, every day anyways (That was me throwing in some tricky mind games that really aren't all that tricky, just to make sure we're all on the same page here). Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm dreading seeing this person at school, or looking forward to it. Maybe both, I'm cool like that.

School on Tuesday (You're welcome, Lieutenant Sarcasm). Bleurg. I hope there's some cool new people or something, because at the moment there's a saddening lack of those around. 'Specially with people moving away to go to Universities and things like that (no names mentioned).




Sweet chicken tenders I have the coolest shoes.

Comma x Infinity!

I use commas much too often. I keep having to eliminate unnecessary commas in my writing. Y U NO KNOW HOW TO USE COMMAS FIRST TIME, BRAIN?

The only problem I have right now (other than my comma overloads) is myself. Well, to be specific, my only problem is my accounting for everything that could go wrong. But no! Alas! It shall not be (I feel pretty old school right now, just so you know)! Nothing's going to go wrong. I mean, I'm not saying anything's going to go right, but still. It's better than everything slipping away down the drain, which I'm quite confident is not going to happen!

On another more positive note, I'm still happy. Things are looking up. Sleep is now inevitable, so farewell.

I Feel... Like A Boss.

Good news. Ish. Today, I found out that unless things get progressively worse, I won't have to go through a horrific surgery. A surgery that, according to the doctor, is a horrible, horrible, horrible, extremely painful, terrible surgery that would make me not be able to walk for at least a month. Yes, that is exactly what he said. I'm rather glad I don't have to go through with it... yet. Also, my phobia of surgeries certainly isn't helping with the whole situation. 

On another vein of my brain, I feel confident. I feel awesome. It's strange. I'm not used to it.

I love it. That's all I have to say. Hoo-rah! 

Jazzin' it up.

Morning texts make me happy.
Also, I've been listening to this for far too long today.

Herm Herm Herm Fish.

Oh dear.
I don't know what to do. I feel like that guy from that movie that I can't remember what it's called that chances are none of you have seen anyways. I just hope things turn out the same in the end because, well, because that would be freaking fantastic. And no, once again I'm going to not go into any details.

At least I'm happy. Being happy is nice. Actually, it's awesome. It's lovely. People should stop feeling sorry for themselves and be happy more often. That was a mildly hypocritical sentence, but oh well, I feel awesome right meow, so... suck it.

Not looking forward to Tuesday. Or maybe I am? I guess I'm just nervous. I'm going to find out some possibly big news! Big news as in potentially life changing! But that shall have to wait until Tuesday, so for now I'll just chill, and draw random things. Like a hermit fish.

Mathematical!

I would apologize for not posting, but you probably don't care, and I'm not really that sorry anyways. I didn't really have anything to write about, and if I did write, it probably would have been not very pleasant, but I have good news, so rejoice!

 I feel better than I've felt.. well, pretty much all summer, to be honest with you. I finally feel... like I'm actually comfortable being myself, rather than just looking like I do. I suppose it's kind of hard to explain.
I feel like I finally have a chance for things to go right, not just... fall apart, only for me to realize things were really never like I thought they we're in the first place, but it's different now. I've got this whole "new outlook" thing going on, and it's pretty nice (Yes, I do realize how horribly lame that sounds). I can't even really put a finger on why i feel like I've changed so much, but I like it. I feel like there's finally something I can try to accomplish that's actually plausible and/or possible. Nice.

Moving on, I cut off a large amount of my hair. It's... well, to be honest, it's lovely and I love it. I'm actually so glad I cut it off, although it's still kind of strange when I realize it's gone. But I rather like it, so huzzah! All I need to do now is go on a serious shopping escapade. New hair calls for new clothes, obviously! Heh. There I go being a female.

I'll Pass on the Grandchildren

I'm glad you mentioned that. You just made me feel less like an annoying little girl and more like... someone actually somewhat awesome. Which is pretty nice! Having friends is nice. People are nice. Sometimes. Rice is nice. Although unless it has peanut butter on it, I don't like rice at all, so I guess it's not.

It's thundering right now. I have the next book in the series I'm reading, I have the ingredients to make a London Fog, and I have my fuzzy blanket. Life is pretty damn good! All I need is someone to share my blanket with!
... like that's going to happen.        ._.

But enough of randomly pessimistic Michelle! I'm off to find something to eat, make my tea, and read with a cat sitting on my feet. I must say, I sound rather Grandma-esque. All I need is a few more cats, a walker, cookies, and some grandchildren! Ill pass on the grandchildren and walker, but the cookies and cats don't sound too bad, if I do say so myself. Which I do. And you can't do anything about it. Hopefully.

Be my Jake?

Ducks.

 So, hey, people that may or may not be reading this. Actually, if you aren't reading this, no hello for you. You don't deserve it! D:<

Anyways, unfortunately, sadly, tragically, etc... blog posting will once again be minimal until further notice (Further notice being once the Nano-Fiber guys get off their asses and hook up the internet). Sigh. Ah well, all in good time. Whatever that means. Good time. What's bad time? Who decides whats good time and whats bad time? AUGGGGH MY BRAAAIIINNNN.

Anyways, just so all you people know, the new Adventure Time episode comes out today.
Best show ever. Someone once told me that they would be my Jake any day, and it kind of made my life. who wouldn't want a Jake? A best friend forever who you can do anything with and have awesome adventures and parties and make sandwiches together, and solve mysteries, and, and, and.. you get the point.

Well, I'm currently being dragged away from the computer, so farewell, have a good day, and all those other things people say when they're going away.