I Just Want To Sit on the Couch and Play BMO

If you look really closely at butterflies, they're actually kind of ugly.

There's something about nice socks that's just really... nice. Just... when you find a pair of matching socks you completely forgot you had and they fit perfectly and there's no holes and it's like they're brand new all over again BUT YOU ONLY HAD TO BUY THEM ONCE, it's awesome. Maybe it's just notable to me because I'm really skilled at losing socks and not having matching pairs and just not having overly nice socks anymore. I don't know. In case you're wondering, yes that did happen this morning.

Yeaah if you could just get out of my life, sickness, that'd be great.

Sometimes I'm about to write about something but then I get sort of a deja vu feeling and then I look back and realize I already wrote it and it makes me wonder about how often I do that in conversations I'm having with people. Sorry if I do that.

Pineapple is Better Than Yellow

Ugh I wish some things just weren't how they were, you know?

Apart from that, though, I AM pretty excited about a few things! The schools letting me take both theatre aaand art next semester which is actually pretty awesome! It means I'll have art for the first while, then halfway through I'll have art and drama alternating blocks, then nearer to the end of the year I'll have just theatre. SO FREAKING EXCITED YES. I think if I had been forced to make the choice between art and drama I actually would have chosen drama. Maybe. I still can't even decide so I'm glad I didn't have to.

-A BRIEF RUNDOWN OF THE DAY-
I had a mathematics test today as well, on logarithms. I.. I think it went pretty good? But it's hard to tell with math tests. HOPEFULLY it went dand-ily. I also went to a friends house after school and discovered I don't not like lasagna so much as I used to! Also cartoons. ^^ Theeen I went home and made myself pan fried hamburgers for dinner and then a strawberry whip-cream sundae for dessert. I love cooking when I'm home alone for some reason. Learning the Fountain Fairy Theme on ze piano is also going pretty well. Anyways, not a whole lot of other things happened today so I guess that's all for this post.

I Need to Learn How to Life

Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through Sundays.
I suppose it's kind of nice not having to do anything, but I get terribly restless and think too much and get frustrated with my life because there's nothing else to do.

Doing homework actually makes me feel good about my life or something. It's like, hey, I can actually do something mildly productive! But then I don't because I'm still a pitiful lazy fuck.

WOW I SHOULD LEARN HOW TO WRITE SOMETHING THAT'S NOT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SLOW IN THE BRAIN.

Actually, I do have something nice to write about.
I felt really pretty today. So, um. That was nice.

ALSO Thursday I'm going out for coffee/lunch and whatever with Caleb and Adam, whom I haven't seen for a long time, so I'm excited about that. Just like old times! Almost.. heh. Anyway, that should be nice.

Songs That Cause Tears

I'm still a terrible person for my secret plethora of reasons.

I don't talk to people about things much anymore, really. It's just easier to be flexible about everything that way... nobody's going to remind you of something contradictory you said or anything. I mean, there's one or two people I'm closer to that I might discuss things with, but discussion is entirely different than just confiding in someone.

I'm comfortable being solitary but at the same time I'm incredibly lonely-and yet nearly everyone annoys me. That's a mildly inconvenient way of dealing with things, brain. Although I'm fairly sure I know why I think that way and it's probably a good thing after all, it's still a bit aggravating. My brain's weird about a lot of things.. like alarm clocks and microwave times and not liking watching music videos.

Lastly, I really wish you didn't do that. You have this knack of making me wish I could learn how to properly go away.

Futon

I think I'm a terrible person sometimes, but then I guess I come to terms with it. 

I miss talking to you. I miss thinking about you. I mean, I still think about you often enough, but I miss thinking about you and it not making my heart hurt. I wish I didn't have a million fucking emotions all the time. Seriously brain, make some decisions or come to some conclusions or SOMETHING for the love of Glob.

I have so many things I'm supposed to be doing and none of them involve writing a blog post.
Whoops.

Guess I'd better get back to drawing those characters and writing those Physics responses and studying that other Physics stuff and doing that Math homework and writing that English thing.
Blah!

At least band practice went okay. I really need time to practice singing on a microphone though, it's so strange. Ugh. 

Headaches and Strange Thoughts and Annoyances Oh My!

I wonder what would happen if I just stopped doing things. If I just didn't do anything at all except my school work, and then just sat at home doing homework and never talked to anyone but my parents and never went anywhere. Sometimes I want to. It just seems easier sometimes, in a terrible sort of way.

I'm quite tired this evening.

I hate Wednesdays.

Panacea - a solution for all problems

Thirteen Dollars

Ugh I really just don't like butterscotch pudding. Or most things butterscotch, for that matter.

Anyways, today was alright. Wasn't overly eventful, but that's alright.

I need to buy a dress if I want to go to winter formal. If.
Maybe... I'll see if I can find a dress and if I can't find one I want then I just won't go. Simple as that! Problem solved. For meow.

My leg is really iiitcchhyyyyy

AHG BRAIN FOCUS GERD DERMN ERT.

Honestly school can go hitchhike to Alaska because it's terrible.

I don't want to have to get home and have four more hours of math work every night.
I mean, I know it could be worse but meh.

On a better note, shake n bake chicken for dinner again. Yiiisss.



Chatoyant - Like a cat's eye

I Hope Your Team Lost

Watermelon is a nice flavour.
I want more fishes in my aquarium. Although I do like the obese one I have now too.
Darwin Deeeeezz get out of my brain
Or don't, I guess.

I hate that feeling where almost everything seems bland. If you know what I'm talking about, you'll know that it's just... pretty bland. But some things have been pretty alight so no sads for that.

My parents got back today, so that was nice. I like my parents. And my cat.
And peaches.

I don't really feel like writing this anymore!

Cachinnation - Loud or hysterical laughter 

Just... Get On My Bed.

Dear Cat

         I love you dearly. I enjoy the fact that for some reason you actually consent to being my little spoon at night when I am cold and in need of kitten cuddles. However. I really, really do not enjoy when you nose around my dresser and knock over the bottle of nail polish remover and spill it directly onto myself, my bed, and my lap top. Not cool. I now have two less blankets available for my use, and my room smells like death. I also don't want to even know how much of that stuff got absorbed into my leg. I swear to glob, if you poisoned me, cat... But I digress. Please, just... stop sticking your nose everywhere. You are a cat. Go sleep on my bed. Stop being interested in things. Seriously.
 
                                                                                               Sincerely, I'm now no longer wearing pants.



                   

Eyebrow Squats

So, we meet again. 

As I sit hunched over on my bed in the dark attempting to type without my glasses are, I realize it's been a while since I've posted. I also realize this is incredibly uncomfortable and my eyes already feel like dying not one third into this post. If you havent listened to the song linked into the first sentence of this post, I really suggest you do. Anyways, carrying on.

So, I guess I ought to relay some past events to you all! I've been drawing really random things! Like this and this and this. Fun stuff. Also made a pretty decent Sheik cosplay which I shall improve upon for Comic Expo. Yeah... not really sure what else there is to say about the past while.

I'm going to go live at Ms. Noga's house on the Wednesday for a week or so as my parents are travelling to Hawaii. I look forward to baking cookies and making shake n' bake chicken and jam sessions and whatever other things we shall do. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ugh my eyebrows hurt from squinting, so goodnight.

Shenanigans and Battlezones

So it was the anniversary of my birth today.
I always have this feeling that something totally awesome is going to happen on it, but usually it's just a pretty normal day. Today was fun, of course, but not particularly astronomical.Chinese food and shenanigans were most certainly enjoyable. I also have a task I need to complete tomorrow.

I wonder why it's so impossible to keep my room in a decent state. Seriously, Michelle. It can't be that damn hard. THERE IS AN UMBRELLA ON THE FLOOR THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

Meh. There's also a stick and a box of pencil crayons and my tablet and my camera and a belt and some cords and a hell of a lot of clothes and some batteries and pennies and erasers and a cloth and some paints and a basket and a box of something or other and THERE'S MY TABLET PEN I've been looking for that for the past few hours. Anyways, I'm sure you get the point. It's a bit of a battlezone.

Literary Chaps

Today was simultaneously nice and not.
School was not. Math I do not entirely understand. Physics 12 I do not understand (albeit with good enough reason), and English was just a crap load of writing.
I like Physics 11 though. That shit I can do like a boss.

Anyways, this weekend was wordfest. I must say, I quite enjoyed myself. Saw a lot of really entertaining/awesome/insane performances.

ALSO WE HELD HANDS.
I mean... erm. Ahem. Yes. Fun literary times at wordfest, chaps.

Proper Crooks

We meet again.

Or rather, your eyes meet my words. But close enough, really.
I just don't even know what to think anymore. Everything is contradicting and weird and just.. feels.
But at least I've been relatively happy lately, that's a plus!

Have you ever thought about how much silverware there must be? I mean seriously. Think of how much you have at your own house. Then all the other people who have silverware. Then restaurants, coffee shops, homeless shelters, thrift stores.. I mean for fucks sakes, there's just cutlery everywhere!

Pogonotomy - The act of cutting a beard

I am the Limping Master

So, as some of you may have heard, I sprained my ankle on wednesday.
I went to the hospital and all that jazz (because it was about the size of a golf ball- keeping in mind i have relatively small ankles) but as was suspected, twas only a sprain and I carried on without crutches because "Crutches are for the weak!". Anyways, being pretty much healed and able to walk without much trouble due to a device known as an "Ankle immobilizer", I thought I was just on my merry way back to the land of not having to limp! That was, until saturday rolled around aaand I fell down some stairs and sprained my OTHER ankle. Never in my entire life have I broken or sprained a single thing, then twice in one week. Honestly. This one's all sprained and swollen above my ankle, where the previous one was below. Now the old one's just all.. horrifically bruised looking. The whole ordeal is quite frustrating, but I suppose it could have been worse. Hopefully I will be walking without the assistance of crutches tomorrow.
Goodness, if I keep going at this rate I'm going to need a wheelchair by thursday.

Runcation - The act of weeding 

ALL OF THE TIMES

Well today was fun (actually it kind of was).
Let me just fill you in, in a slightly unusual fashion.

Got up at the lovely hour of 5:45
Breakfast at Tim Hortons
Math retest time
Physics studying time
English - Speech writing time
Math
Physics 11
Physics 11 retest time
Remainder of Lunch
Fall down two foot hill and anihilate the ankle time
First half of Physics 11 for the second time time
Off to the Hospital yaaayy.
Hospital for a few hours
Informed of a pretty bad sprain, gotta buy some "Ankle immobilizer" brace thing
(PRETTY HARDCORE GUISE)
Home to finish speech (which turned out awesome)
Write this thing time
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I am Constantly Drawing Triforces

Ladies and gentlemen(vimeo link today because I'M SO OBSCURE OMG), it's that time again. Bracelets. Bracelets everywhere. Because I only have to work like.. two days a week! Pretty exciting if I do say so myself. Also, I think I might actually be able to pull off joining badminton again this year, seeing as I shall hopefully be able to drive by the end of November. Even got my parents to agree that it'd be nice for me to have something that's not academic going on in my life. Fun stuff guise. Also ALSO, I do get to go to Wordfest after all! Which I am genuinely stoked about.

Anyways, off to do homework, make bracelets, eat dinner and head to Makayla's for the night.

Hope you all had a good day. Really. ^-^

My Room Looks Terrifying

I don't think I should like you, so I probably won't. There's just a plethora of reasons I can see that it's never going to work, but that's actually alright. For now I'm cool with just sitting around admiring your awkward adorableness and freckles. Mother fucking freckles. How I love them. Anyways, I presume this is the best course of action all things considered. And hey, if one day you decide you like me, then huzzah, success. If you don't, hopefully it won't be too big of a deal.

My cat fell down the space between my bed and the wall. He couldn't get back out. It was like... the 127 hours movie, but with my cat. And a bed. Anyways, eventually I pried him out, no limbs lost. Maybe just some of his dignity, but I think cats have enough of that to go around regardless.

And with that lovely little piece of information, I bid thee farewell.
(If it wasn't obvious, farewell is definitely my favourite way to say goodbye)

Exsibilation - The collective hisses of a disapproving audience

Expect the Best, Accept the Worst

You know what? I feel so much better. To be quite honest, I was a tad skeptical about the whole "LETS PUT DOWN ALL OF THE FEELINGS AND LET PEOPLE READ THEM YAY" But it all turned out better than expected. It would seem that the crazy missing just... doesn't happen anymore. Not to the same extent, by any means. I don't think about him nearly as much anymore and it's just so damn great! I just.. it all seemed like such bullshit (the holding feelings in thing and how letting them out helps or whatever) But it worked, by golly, it worked! Now I'm actually moderately happy. And I am pretty sure I get to go to wordfest. Which is really exciting. Also, I am currently listening to some early punk sort of musics. Pretty enjoyable. You kind of are too if you actually listen to them music links i put in sometimes. Now if you'll excuse me, I should probably do some physics and math and then maybe a bit of physics and english and then also probably some math. Just in  case :3

I look forward to writing at you again soon.

Aeolist - A pompous bore who pretends to have inspiration

Concerning That Guy with Glasses and the Orange Shoes

If we're being honest, I miss you all the fucking time.
Everything reminds me of you. It's actually pretty ridiculous.
"Oh, that guy has orange shoes. You had orange shoes."
"Hey, that guy's wearing glasses."
I don't know what I'm going to do if I see you again.
Probably just.. look at you. I'd want to talk to you, but something tells me you'd just turn around and leave.
It'd be for the best, like you said. You said a lot of things. Actually no, no you didn't. You didn't say nearly enough things. You almost said you loved me once, but you didn't even say that, really. Just implied it. You don't talk to me for days then when I finally try to say goodbye, you tell me not to say it. When I ask why, ask what the point of this all is, you told me "Love".

It was a cheesy thing to say, but it made my heart feel like dying. I wanted to believe that so fucking badly. You never texted me once after saying that. Granted I don't exactly love texting either, but at least it was something. I tried a few times, but I got nothing or basically nothing in reply. no goodbye, just.. nothing. I tried to forget you, but some lack of closure held me back, it was like some crazy old lady in the back of my mind kept telling me there was still a chance you'd talk to me, a chance that things could go back to the way they were. Sadly, crazy old ladies don't often know what they're talking about, and for a month and a half, you were gone.

The last time we talked, you told me you were just doing what was best for us, and that it was just as hard for you as it was for me. In the long run, I know it will be, but for now it's just poop. I also sincerely doubt this is as difficult for you as it is for me. I don't know why it's so impossible to get over you, but it's honestly messing me up. I thought when you said goodbye it would be easier (it was for a while), but now it's all the same. I remember when you said it. Goodbye, that is. Then I said I would miss you, and goodbye. You said you'd miss me too, and goodbye again, and then that was it. It honestly seemed mildly devastating at the time.

 Then I'm thinking about goodbye, and the regret hits me like a deer caught in the headlights of a tank going warp speed. It was all so damn close. Inches away from everything I wanted, but those inches were made of titanium. There was only one way in and it was padlocked with a combination. you knew the code, but I wasn't willing to let you use it. Not when it would tear apart the rest of your life. I remember the day you told me you could do it, you could make it work, make us work. It was like someone lit a spark only to douse it with gasoline and somehow drown it rather than let the flame ignite, because I knew what it would mean for you. I wasn't willing to let you throw away half of everything else making up your life. I'm not worth your family, and that's what I need to keep telling myself. I want to go back to that day when you were going to kiss me and not turn away because I was afraid. I want to go back and change things, what I said, what I did. I keep telling myself I could have done things differently, I could have fixed things. But I couldn't have, really. Not anymore, that's for sure. And why should I! I'm fine, I only miss you every waking moment. I haven't even seen you for three months and I still think about you every single day. Oh my, I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't care, and I wish you would just get the fuck out of my brain, but I don't have anything to push you out with. Maybe that's what it's going to take, something else to think about, or someone. Unfortunately the likelihood of that these days isn't very high. First off I'd need someone comparable to you, which is a challenge in itself. Or maybe it's not, I don't even know anymore. I don't know why I'm writing this, or why I'm going to publish this, because these are all the things I don't tell people. These are the things I keep to myself because it's either too awkward or embarrassing or silly to talk about. But whatever. It's how I feel, and if you think it's crazy then you're probably pretty correct. I don't even know what I'm feeling, really. I don't know if I loved you because honestly I'm not even seventeen and so I highly doubt I have any inclination of what that's supposed to be, but it definitely feels like it. And let me just say.. right now it hurts like hell.

I'm sorry if you don't want me to write this, but I doubt you'd find out anyways. I need to do it. I need to explain all these feels. See? Even that reminds me of you, saying that.
But goodnight, even though I know tomorrow I'll think of you a million times again, then listen to a song that's not even sad but it'll make me cry anyways because it's just like that.
------

I don't know why you just read that or what on earth you're going to think of it, but it was somewhat satisfying to write, despite the resulting headache.

Goodnight.

Something New Would Be Nice

So. It's a Tuesday night.

Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else ever feel like they're waiting to be found? 
Or find something?
I just mean maybe there's something I'm supposed to do
or someone I'm supposed to meet
and it's all just waiting for the right moment
and then everything will fall into place.

Then again, I guess nothing ever really just "falls into place", does it?

Maybe I'm waiting for something to fall out of place.

Psithurism - The sound of the wind in the trees

I Remind Myself That Things Could Be Much Worse

Well.
After a year, it's finally over. Completely over. Forever.
Hm.
Surprisingly, I'm actually relieved. Sad of course, but.. a good sad.  A healing sort of sad.

Awww yeah.

Next year will probably amount to a hell of a lot less then I want it to, but you know what, I don't even care anymore. Gotta go talk to some lady about changing my classes soon. We shall see how that goes. What the hell do I want to do with my life anyways? Some sort of design. Industrial design maybe. Architecture? Goodness. Any suggestions?

Summer's sort of almost over-ish  I suppose? Got a few weeks left. I'm relieved to just be done with work. Even though as soon as it's over I'm probably going to be working at getting a job for the winter too. Hopefully that one will make me want to hurt people less... heh.

Went for coffee today, twas good.Talked about stuff.

Wow I actually really like being in my room. It's pretty nice.

Good luck, everyone.

Everything Stops Suddenly

 Здравствуйте!

I guess it's been a little while, hm? Sometimes I feel like I ought to write and I usually do have things to write about, but somehow always end up convincing myself that either those things are boring, don't need to be talked about, or I realize I'm lazy and don't feel like typing. Theeeeen the guilt kicks in (not really) and I write! As was tonight.

So, things have been odd lately I suppose. It's strange how sometimes people that used to mean everything suddenly don't seem to matter much at all. Ah well, people come and go, c'est la vie.

My cousin and aunt have recently moved in with us for the next few months to work. That's also moderately strange. So many women. Goodness. Also, I have a thing about calling my relatives aunts and uncles. I don't like to, that is. Ever since I was little, I'd just call them by their names. Not sure why. Does anyone else feel like it's really odd when cousins call your parents aunt or uncle? No? Just me? Alright.

Anyways, the past two nights have been pretty good. Lightning/shooting star watching and then dinner with a bunch of people I haven't seen for rather large amounts of time? Doesn't sound bad to me (It wasn't, either).

Meh. It's kind of terrible having to continuously do something I find absolutely appalling over and over again while knowing I missed a chance to be able to do something better. But as I said, such is life.

Concilliable - A secret meeting of people who are hatching a plot

The Last Word is What Keeps Us Going

It's hard, sometimes, not being able to do anything.
Not going anywhere.
Not seeing anyone.
Just sitting in my room.
Then going to work.
Then coming home to sit in my room again.
I have too much time to think.
I don't want to anymore.
I want something new.. but there's no way that's going to happen soon, by the looks of things.
I don't really have anything to be happy about right now.
Nothing to look forward to.
Yet.

Karma Whore

Might I say as an afterthought that I'm putting at the top of this post so it's sort of a before thought, I really think you should like.. find the link to the music I put in my posts and then play it as you read. Cause I put the song I choose on repeat when I write so um maybe it'll like.. help you understand my ramblings or something? Don't have to. Just a suggestion.

Why do I always seem to think the hour before I go to bed is the best hour to paint my nails? I mean, I did a pretty damn good job if I do say myself. But still.

Well, I guess I'd like to look back on some of my life's recent activities, and share them with you, lovely reader.
I went to Cranbrook and saw The Amazing Spider-man.
Dear lord.
Oh my.
Well.
Ah.
Goodness.
Andrew Garfield is incredibly attractive.
Just saying.
...The movie was really good too

 Anyways, I also acquired a new camera on this journey. Fun stuff! Tis quite nice.
Going to Calgary tomorrow with my parents.
Hopefully that all goes well...

It`s weird how you`re thinking what I was sort of thinking, but not at the same time.
It's like you're inadvertently reading my thoughts... Magic.
I guess that's kind of all this blog is, really.
Reading my edited thoughts.
Now with optional music!

Abligurition - Excessive spending on food & drink

In Other Words, a Sorry Tale

I wish something would happen.
Everything has just kind of... stopped lately.
It's weird.

It's funny how you hide things from yourself. Like when you know something is going to happen, or not happen, and you just don't let yourself believe it. Then when it finally happens or doesn't, it's like you're all surprised and upset, even though you knew it was coming so you shouldn't be. So next time, you try warning yourself; expect the worse, expect the worse, expect the worse. But you hold on to the slippery edge of belief that it'll all go the way you want it to (which usually doesn't seem to happen). Never seems to help with the disappointment though, so maybe we should just keep hoping. Something's going to go right eventually.

Wanweird - An unhappy fate (Good one, right?)

Don't Think, Just Do.

Ever wonder why when we're sad or lonely or upset about something we just play one certain song over and over again until you realize it's a sad fucking song, no matter how well it describes how you feel about something and it just ends up making you sadder? I don't know. Maybe that's just me. 


Nelipot - Someone who walks without shoes.

Faith Restored and Shattered (Not as Serious as it may Seem)

So, things have changed. I knew they would, and I'm happy with how they're different, so I guess I don't really have a lot to say. It's nice to hang out with people again. It's been... a while haha.

I should clean my room.
But nope. Story time.
 So, being the responsible human being I am, I definitely lost my iPod smack in the middle of town yesterday. Realized as I got on the bus, and wasn't about to ask the bus to stop and wait while I searched for it, so had to drive away not knowing when the next time I'd be in town to look for it was (or for that matter, where to look). The next day I asked someone to look around as they said they'd be there, but sadly they didn't have any luck. However, I returned home to an email from a lady and her husband who live in Panorama who found it, and they have even offered to return it to the golf course I work at tomorrow.
Faith in humanity momentarily restored.
Faith in my ability to take care of expensive things on the other hand, has been shattered.
To be fair, we were sleeping  at the cenotaph when a wild torrential downpour decided to appear, so I guess it's not completely my fault. Sort of.
Anyways, i am quite thankful to be getting that back on the morrow.

Arrivederci.


Apodyopsis - The act of mentally undressing someone. 

As a side note, I'm also going to try to put a link to a song I enjoy in each new post. If you don't like my musical taste, congratulations, I'm so proud.
 

Toenail Clippings and Raindrops on the Skylight

So many damn feelings, nearly all of them being self centered and whiny and confusing and all those other terribly annoying typical things. So many choices to make, people to talk to, things to look over, to consider, decide upon, reject, accept, work for, plan for, worry about, do.

One more year.
Just one more fucking year.

Wash Away, Wash Away

Those people who you can do anything with and it doesn't matter because you mesh together so well you could do anything and be okay? Those are the people that matter. Sometimes it's yourself. Doing silly things because fuck you I can. Like building sandcastle cities at night in the rain by myself. Perfection.

Talk of Stubbornness, But You're Just Passionate

When you're happy, it's contagious. I mean seriously contagious. My whole life, I've never met someone who's emotions carried as much as yours do.

I wonder what people are like when they're alone.
Maybe we're all the same, but nobodies willing to admit it.

To Think We Pay Attention is a Common Misconception

Don't have anything interesting to talk about woooooooooooooooop.

Had company over last night. It was pretty boring. Did a shitload of chores. Fun stuff, right? Studied a bit, even crazier.

Shmeh. I never have any motivation  on Sundays.


Hamartithia - Being likely to make a mistake

Door Punching Silliness

Today was great, and then I got some news that kind of just sent everything to shit. Then just got really frustrated and ended up denting a door. Woops. It WAS pretty satisfying though, not going to lie.
Anyways, there's good things and bad things and things in-between right now, but overall, I think I'm alright. Finding excellent new music tends to help with that, thankfully.


On another note, haven't done one of these in a while;

Agerasia - The state of looking younger than one actually is.

Charismatic Bullshiting

I apologize for how monotonous this blog might seem, but that's how I think most of the time, so you'll live. You could always just not read it at all haha.

The past two days have been.. so very confusing.. and frustrating.. and just... ahg. Why can't things be easier for once? You mess with my head like no other, that's for sure. I'd say I just think too much, but that's not true. It's partially true! But not completely.

It's only six thirty. Why am I so sleepy?

Cookies, Trains, and a Lack of Motivation.

      Motivation has apparently been eluding me lately, so thankfully I got a bit of stuff done today. Studied for chemistry and am currently in the process of baking cookies. Life is confusing. Good, but confusing.

     I walked down to the other lake, and was sitting by the train tracks. A train came by, and I realized how easy it would be to just... jump in front of the train. How easy it would be to die, how easy it would be to fuck up that train drivers life. I realized how fragile things are, I guess, and how selfish humanity is. People are willing to fuck things up for other people, so long as they don't fuck themselves up too. Don't worry, I'm not going to jump in front of any trains or anything; it just got me thinking is all.

     I'm supposed to be drawing things. I was almost done one, and then my computer decided to spontaneously restart and I lost pretty much all of it except the initial sketch I had done, which is the easy part. Bleh. I really do need to get them done, but I think it might have to wait until school's done. We'll see. Just about the only thing that would change me waiting is a sudden boost of drawing motivation, which is highly unlikely. Sorry. Anyways, back to cookies.

Rollercoastering to Maybe-land

It's been a few weeks since I've last posted. I guess life's just been kind of... rollercoastering(?) around. Today was good. We've got the play all day for the next two days, which should be... interesting? I swear, these days drama class seems more like Jersey Shore than a theatre class. Usually it's fairly easy to escape though, so we're good.

I'm having mixed feelings about this school year ending... I think I honestly don't want it to end more than I do want it to end. As much as I enjoy the summer, it's going to mean long periods of time alone or working. Plus quite a few of the people I actually look forward to seeing are graduating this year. Ah well. I'll be leaving too, eventually. To be fair, I'm having mixed feelings about a lot of things lately, but that's how it goes, right? As I said, rollercoastering.

I like posting on this old blog thing.
Maybe I should work on doing it more often...
Maybe once exams are done?
Maybe when I've got the time?
Maybe when I have something to write about?

Seems that's all anything is these days. One great big old maybe.


"My songs..
 lately haha
 Have been uhh
 hmm
 About
 umm
 you"

Dreams Up

I guess it's about time for a new post.
I don't think really have a lot to say at the moment O:

I was nominated for MC'ing at the Grad Ceremonies. I think I'd like to do it, but I doubt enough people would actually vote for me. Ah well, we'll see!

Also there's that mural thing we had to design for art. I think it'd be pretty cool if my design got picked for that too, but as you may have noticed, I don't like to get my hopes up often xD

Ah and I guess I deleted my Facebook and Tumblr (moderately) permanently as well.

Other than that not a lot is new.

I mean, there's this one kid, but you don't need to know about him. Pretty sure anybody that's vaguely interested already does. :P I seem to have a habit of liking the most inconvenient people. Oh well.

Anyways, farewell for meow.

Surprise Me With Anticipation

As I sit here this morning with my cold glass of 2% milk and my strange breakfast of pork tenderloin and sour cream, I realize I'm happy. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm anticipating. Then I realized that often, anticipation is one of the greatest feelings. That not-quite-sure-what's-going-to-happen-but-you-know-it's-gonna-be-something-awesome feeling. It's pretty much better than the event itself sometimes. And... I think that's okay. I'm alright with that. Besides, surprises are fun too, and then the event is definitely better because hey, you had no idea it was gonna happen. But even then there's that rush of anticipation as soon as you find out what the surprise it, before you can partake in said surprise. Iunno. I just think anticipation is a good feeling.

I Don't Need No Keys

To give a brief account of my crappy day, I got to school, went to first block, went to the hospital alone because I'm turning into a zombie ( burn got infected), sat on a hospital bed for two hours alone apart from two people coming in and somebody giving me a prescription and dressing my wound, finally started to realize how severe my social anxiety can get when told I would have to bring paperwork to work to get them to pay for my costs, went and got my prescription, payed for everything myself because I can't go talk to work about it, actually got a ride back to school with Caleb, which was nice as I was still sort of freaking out, went to drama, came home on the bus, house was locked, spare key was gone, went around the house taking all the screens off the lower windows trying to find one that was unlocked (to no avail), finally went and got a ladder, took the screen off my window, opened it and crawled into my room. Oh, and all of this was happening in the rain. And now I have a headache.
Ah well, all things considered I'm in a fairly good mood.

Happiness Doesn't Have To Be Brief

I just realized I'm legitimately happy. Like, dance around the house while cooking spontaneous delicious dinners and listening to excellent music happy. Or write crazy stories about "my people" happy. (my brain is odd :3)

"You would make such an interesting life partner."

One of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I hope I do.

The Story of my People

Let me tell you the story of my people. One day long long ago there was a flood of grape drank. The grape drank was so very grape that everyone started turning purple, untill a banana man appeared on top of a floating glacier of harry potter books. The banana man declared that everyone should be able to taste the taste of stale butter so he took my purple people onto his harry potter barge, and they sailed away. After not an entirely long amount of time they arrived in Peurto Penasco, which at that time was the home of the worlds stalest butter, and declared the land to be theirs but some mexicans showed up and kicked them out so they kept sailing untill they arrived on a secret island and the banana man died from butter poisoning. On the secret island there was so much icecream. So much of it. So much, in fact, that the purple people became coloured like different flavours of icecream, except some of them were still purple because they were grape icecream. Then they started eating all of the icecream and after 2,000,000,000 minutes they had eaten every last drop of the magically still frozen icecream. It was then that they discovered that the secret island was actually a turtle who had obtained the icecream to stay cool, so obviously he was kind of pissed off when they ate it all, and he demanded they sacrifice the oldest person who was missing a limb in their community. So old Mr. Chewdluer had to go. Thankfully the turtle wasn't going to eat him though, he just wanted someone who was missing a limb to keep him company because he thought people with disabilities were interesting, and he didn't really like children all that much, so everything turned out alright. Nobody else liked Mr.Chewdluer anyways because they all said he smelled like strange bagels (Which was partially true). Anyways, as the turtle was still not entirely impressed with anyone, he swam to land and kicked everybody off. Turned out they were in holland now, and there were no mexicans to kick them out! Just a lot of dutch people who were constantly baking cakes that looked like cats and trying to sell them for sexual favours (sometimes this was effective). After a week of walking through holland, my people arrived at a waterfall of clouds. As they cautiously approached this strange phenomenon, a herd of yellow pegasi galloped out of the surrounding forest and swept them onto their backs as they flew into the sky. Suddenly everyone was wearing propeller beanies, but that was irrelevant. The pegasus herd flew them to a new land that appeared to be filled with giant dull, rusty potato peelers.They told them they needed to clean the largest potato peeler they could find and bring it back to the pegasi when they were finished. After twelve fortnights, the potato peeler was perfected. Not one area had a speck of rust or dirt, and the blade had been sharpened to perfection. Unfortunately all of the grape icecream people had mysteriously died by this point. They brought the peeler back to the herd who congragulated them, and then proceded to eat it. Then they swept them back onto their winged backs and brought them to another new land; Canada. In canada they prospered in their boring, dull lives filled with meticulous tasks untill they happened upon the internet and all turned into bar stools except for two people, who proceeded to mate into the culture of the rest of Canada and the world and that is the story of my people.

Could it Be You're... Craving my McNuggies?

101 post. Cool story, no? Care for me to... tell it again? 

Gotta love it when your 100th post is a rant at people.
Humanity these days. Who do they think they are?

Why is this planet so flipping large?
I have a headache.
Turtles have diseases.
Moriarty has bug eyes.
Benedict Cumberpatch has the weirdest lips and he's attractive in an unattractive way
David Tennant can get in my bed I don't care if he's three times my age
I lied. I do care, but he's still sexy.
Easter is a weird word and I have no idea where it came from.
I enjoy drawing triforces.
Triforce is a strange word to pluralize.
I FOUND MY SWORD.
My camera is brokeded.
My closet is messy again.
How did I get so much shit?
Mordecai is a nice name.
I don't like lipstick.
I hate my broken laundry basket
I think I might go make some tea.

And that was my brain over the past five minutes.
I hope you enjoyed it.

Decency Isn't Difficult

I honestly can not believe people. Did you just actually say someone dying wasn't important? How would you feel if that was your best friend? Your sibling? One of your parents?! You disgust me. Honestly. You don't make a JOKE out of someone getting murdered/killed/anything. FUCK! I work with a lady and her son was found dead today. Her son. You think this is funny? It's not! There are some things you just don't mock, and I know we're all guilty of going too far sometimes, but are you actually so daft that you can't grasp the gravity of the situation? For fucks sakes children! It happened yesterday! No- it doesn't even matter when it happened. You just don't do things like that. You don't. You learn how to be a decent human being and you move on with your life, and maybe, just maybe, think about someone other than yourself for once.

Ugh I know I said I wasn't going to swear anymore but I'm literally seething right now.

Just With You

I actually sort of enjoyed myself today. Although some people just honestly need to fuck off, and
a) Learn how to respect other peoples space,
b) Not get offended at the drop of a hat,
c) Grow up a bit.
Seriously.

Also I am so clueless. Clueless concerning many, many things. Mostly boys, but I highly doubt that's going to change any time soon. Ah well, I suppose I'm not exactly the easiest person to figure out all the time either.

Well, I guess here's a list of things I'm looking forward to, in order from most words to least:

- Going to sleep (Seeing as apparently you like to frequent my dreams these days)
- Talking to that one random person, they're rather interesting and we're hilarious
- Working and getting money again (Though I did just find an old $300 check)
- Possibly buying things with newly found money
- All the new bands I just found to listen to
- Making cupcakes again
- Trying new art things
- Walking more often
- The rain
- Spring




"Y u so insecure?"
"I'm not. Just with you."



Defenestrate - To throw out of a window

I'll Suspend YOUR Thread

Sometimes I feel bad because all I post about these days are things with little or no context so most of you probably have no idea what I'm even talking about BUT THEN I realize that's okay and if you hate reading my posts so much you're really not obliged to in the least. Regardless, I even annoy myself sometimes with all my teenagery blather. That being said, hello, and good day to you all. Today is April le first. Apparently this is a day when we all go about being incredible tricksters with the most CUNNING plans and deviations up our sneaky little sleeves. Some say it only lasts until noon, and if that's true, than I was safe in the clutches of slumber. If not, then whoop de doo, pretty sure I'm staying at home alone all day and possibly drawing myself a bath anyways because I found these bath petal things and I am a fancy, fancy lady, and I have yet to try out the bathtub of this house. It seems quite nice, it has a slope for your back and it's pretty deep and everything! (Because I know how badly you wanted to know about my bathtub.) On another note, I really ought to work on swearing less. Not for the sake of other people because excuse me but I don't particularly give a pancake what you think of me, but for my own sake. It annoys me and I think it's moderately unnecessary and I could have better things to say. We shall see how that goes. I feel like myself today. It's not as common an occurrence as it used to be. Not when I'm alone, at least. BUT TODAY IS GOOD. Also the last day of Spring break. Oh goodness. Did I actually just get butterflies at the thought of seeing you? FOR ACTUAL, FEELINGS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Le sigh. WELP not like I didn't make things awkward enough the other day. Heh. At least I was honest okay! Anyways, I am comfortably full of bacon, perogies, and assorted melons, so I shall be off to feed the fish, stoke the fire, and clean out my closet because apparently I seem to feel that shoving EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER OWNED in there is a good idea (It's really, really not).

Filipendulous - Suspended by a single thread

Charles Le Test

Smiles are just so fucking sexy.
On most people.
Oh dear teeth, I really wish you were normal.
Or at least all of you existed.

ALRIGHTY-O that's enough of me feeling sorry for myself.

Although I did do something to my knee snowboarding and now it just decides to kill me with pain every once in a while...

Ah yes, in other news, Cranbrook tomorrow with my father. Should be nice, and, of course, wings with Makayla after. Nom nom nom.

You Still Impress Her

I'm the sort of mood where everyone I'm not really good friends with is pissing me off. So most of the human population.
Mostly I can't stand seeing things I know are lies/just really not true.
I want to correct them but then I think
a) I shouldn't really care that much
b) It would be pretty rude in most situations
c) No good would really come of it anyways

I also get jealous of the stupidest things. Honestly. My jealousy is so irrational sometimes.
I wish it would just go away.

Why Can't Life Be Like That?

That was the best dream I've ever had. Rather weird at some points, like the part with the chest of rainbow coloured wafer cookie sandwiches, but the rest was... perfect. I wish I didn't have to wake up.

Causeuse - A sofa built for two people

Hopeless Romantic or Optimistic Loner?

Dear internet,
Sometimes I really hate you. I do. I see all these things I can't have, or I don't have, I see all these people that look so fucking happy and it just makes me feel.. I don't know. I'd say depressed, only it isn't. It just makes me feel sad. Sad and alone. Then I see people who actually are depressed and that really doesn't help either because then I feel like I don't have the right to be sad because nothing's actually that shitty in my life. I mean there's that whole... situation.. but honestly I should just accept the fact that it can't happen. It won't, it can't, it's never going to. There, done. Back to why I hate the internet. I see all these pictures of people being happy together, looking at the stars, reading together, going to coffee shops and libraries, just being together doing whatever. And I want that. I want that so so so much. I want to live with someone. I want to be myself with another person. I want to hold hands and tell stories. I want to play video games together until four in the morning. I want to cook together, I want to climb trees and go for bike rides and sing, no matter how horrible we both are. I want to make things, build things, use our hands to make something. I want to plant trees and flowers. I want to dance in the rain at midnight in the middle of the city. I want to be alive with someone. And then I go look at the pictures of kittens.


"Some of us say we'd rather
have something than nothing...
but the truth is, having something halfway
is harder than having nothing at all."

Witzelsucht

There's a million things rushing around in my brain. There's so many things I wish I could say to you but at the same time I don't want to at all because I either think I know exactly what you'd say, or I have no idea.
Today I was happy. Inexplicably happy. I mean that, too. I didn't really feel like I had a reason to be happy. In fact I felt like I had more reasons to not be happy, until I remembered the friends I have and that yes, people do in fact care about me, strange as it seems. On another not completely unrelated note, you mess with my brain. Too much. I feel like an idiot sometimes. Most of the time. But usually just while texting. Is it strange that it's exceedingly easier for me to talk to you in person? Probably not. I don't really know what I;m talking about anymore, but goodnight, cruel, lovely world.

Vigesimation - The act of killing every twentieth person

Band Aids

Broke 1,000 views the other day.
How.. enthralling?

        You just fucking entrance me, and it's not fair. It's not fair because I don't think we're on the same level at all. You say you like me too, but I feel like I'm just some annoying little child tagging along behind you. Sure sometimes I think I can see it, but then I just turn back into the self conscious teenager whom I wish I was better at suppressing. Usually I'm pretty confident but around you my confidence is just like LOL NOPE, though it might not seem like it.

Ah well, we all know this can't amount to anything anyways, and I ought to get used to it.

Hamartithia - Being likely to make a mistake

Shake Me Down

Lonely times indeed,
With eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Eyes cast down
I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun
Turn back now its time for me to let go,
Way down had to find a place to lay low,
Lampshade turned around into a light post
Walk around the corner,
Never saw it coming still,
I try to make a move,
It almost stopped me from belief,
I don't wanna know the future,
But I'm like rolling thunder



This song is just so flipping accurate to what's going on in my head sometimes it's odd.

Really? O-o

Holy butt mother pearl of baby jesus with peanunt butter and jam* I can not believe that just happened what the fuck am I supposed to do now?



*Courtesy of Makayla

Nocturnal

Sometimes you are the most ignorant person I know. You have little or no idea what you're talking about half the time. I'm sorry, but from what I've seen, it's true. You state "facts" while knowing hardly any of the information concerning what you're talking about, and just end up looking ignorant, which is logical if you think about it because you are being ignorant. I'm not claiming to know all the facts either, but please, just take the time to do a bit of background information. It's just.. it's embarrassing, alright? I'm not trying to say I'm perfect by any means, and I certainly don't know everything, but just try not to talk about things you don't know about.

I love you, but you piss me off to no end sometimes.

Also my apologies for (yet another) rant post.

Philosphunculist: One who pretends to know more about something than they actually do in order to impress/manipulate others

Something and Someone

I want to say something that will mean something to someone, something they will go home and think about, wonder what it meant, why it was said, what hidden meaning there might be behind it. I want to say something someone will agree with in awe, amazed that something could be said to so perfectly coincide with what they feel about some idea or concept or thought. I want to say something that makes you see something in a different way, under an unfamiliar light, bright and pure and distinctive and new. I want to say something that opens doors to new ideas, new thoughts, new everything. I want to say something that could change someone completely but in all honesty only so much that they are able to find something out about themselves, to feel that distinctive gratifying feeling of knowing yourself. I want to say something that will mean something to someone.

I just don't have anything to say.

Kamikaze

Alright so this week wasn't too bad, all things considered. This weekend turned out alright too, considering all the plans I had fell through again. I painted my nails today and they look kind of like space or something so that's fuuuuun. I also skyped with an exchange student whom I hadn't talked to since they left, so that was nice too. Oh, and I talked to you for five hours. Still not sure what that's all about, but I have to admit, it was, as you put it, "the most gnarly facebook convo ever".

Haven't spiked my hurr forever. Might do that tomorrow. Don't know why I'm talking about that on here, but alright?

I need to pick up some blank CD's.

Tarantism - A psychological illness characterized by an extreme impulse to dance, believed (In the 1400-1600's) to be caused by the bite of a tarantula

Partially Abderian

Today was an odd day. It was like... everything happened in either really concentrated or diluted amounts. I was mildly put off by the fact I didn't get to see you, however.

I also had another laugh attack, in drama class this time. I think that's the fourth time that's happened? Iunno. Entertaining I guess? o:

Anyways, I hope things are more regular tomorrow.

I also hope my schedule isn't all messed up for long, it's getting to be really annoying..

Agelast - A person who never/rarely laughs

Pleasantries Minus the Chocolate

Just kidding; more chocolate

The Dude

"The way Jimmy spoke the name made you realize that this was the way it was meant to be spoken - in awe and fear and dumb, sub-literate rapture. You should be shitting yourself, Jimmy conveyed, at the idea of the Lord. You should be rolling around the floor in convulsions - it's only right. It is appropriate. You should be swallowing your tongue in a seizure. The Lord was awesome and terrible. He was pure power. This was the Dude who smashed the planet between his hands and pushed up the mountains, exploding them like zits between His fingertips. The was the Guy who turned the earth into one boiling ocean when he was finally fed up with all our crap. Who begat dinosaurs and the bubonic plague. This Guy. Him. And what's worse, what's most terrifying of all? Dude loves you. He loves you like a psycho girlfriend. Endlessly, obsessively, for no good reason. Dude will stalk you to the ends of the earth."

- The Antagonist, Lynn Coady

Noodle Poodle

Qualtagh - The first individual person one sees after leaving their house


Unless it's the weekend, mines usually the bust driver...
I hope being ditzy isn't contagious.

Moderately Mellow Mornings May Mute Marbles wat

YES HAHAHAHA I AM SO GLAD THAT JUST HAPPENED. AWW YISSSS

... Excited Michelle is excited.
I'm drawing a kitty in art. Socute. with charcoal ugghhh so much smudginnnggg
.. HEYWOAH my cat's name is smudge and I'm drawing a cat which will have smudges this is like smudgeception WHAT IS THIS WIZARDY

Today was entertaining. Drama is still odd though. Drama club's not. But the actual class is. Goooodneesss why must you  be like that?



... DID WE JUST PASS A DUDE?!


That definitely made my night. This has been an awfully animated post o: Anyways, off to clean my room. AGAIN. Why can I not grasp the concept of NOT THROWING CLOTHES EVERYWHERE? -.-

Mytacism - The incorrect or excessive use of the letter "m"

Bombilate

Do you ever just get the urge to use irrationally large and/or unusual words?
I get that a lot. Especially in arguments! There's something about having excellent vocabulary that makes you feel intimidating.

And so, I've decided that every day I shall share a new word at the end of each post. If I get lazy, the word might be the entire post. Or not. Just... be prepared, okay?
This mysterious group of letters might have something to do with my life or how I feel about something, or it might just be really effing great. We shall see.

                               Bombliate - To hum or buzz loudly/continuously


.. Oh, and Makayla's sleeping again. :)

Fancy Restaurants With Three Forks and Knives

The past two days I've felt so incredibly empty. Not sad or depressed, just empty.
I just feel like I'm missing something, and I don't know where I'm supposed to find it.
I guess that's what having nothing to do when you're alone does!

Ah well, the next few days should be nice.

I want to paint something.

There's a Singing Giraffe on My Balcony

I love how I was all not happy for a few weeks and then I started getting a lot of sleep and two days later, I'm happy. It also helps that exams are over and I'm starting the easiest/most entertaining and creative semester of my life. Definitely not complaining. There's also a few things I have to deal with, but hopefully everything turns out alright.. Honestly though, how do I always get into these situations?

 I'm currently sitting in Makayla's basement. Shh, she's sleeping.

Also, Electro-Swing is amazing. HEY! LISTEN!


Goodness I'm an odd child.

:D

Several Hours Of Studying Later..

Dear Math Exam....

JUST WROTE YOU LIKE A BOSS.

Sincerely, A Pleased Michelle.

Come Sit On My Powdered Doughnut

Just watched like seven episodes of adventure time with Makayla. :3

Going boarding tomorrow and Saturday, so excited!

MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE A CUPCAKE I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS HAPPENING.

... I've been getting so much sleep lately it's like I suddenly have boundless energy..

So I probably told nearly everyone who reads my blog about this, but for dinner the other day I made a quesidilla thing that had sausage, chicken breast, bacon, salsa, tomato, pepper, mushrooms, onion, green onion, mass amounts of cheese and other things on it, and it was amazing. <3

I can't believe how much happier I've been lately.
Good feels yo.

Will The Wind Blow Me Away?

  I've been waiting for something to happen, I think. I don't know what I'm expecting, or why I'm waiting for anything at all, but I probably ought to stop. It would explain the sort of constant feeling of suspense I've been experiencing lately. That, and I think about you far too often and it's ridiculous.

I want to dream more.



...I just want to go somewhere warm, Move with sweet scents in the air, pushing and pulling towards who knows what, who knows where, doesn't matter, I don't care. 

Savory Sweet

I understand that you might feel like you've done something, but you haven't. Nothing specific. I just finally feel happy now.. well, happier than I've been for a while, and I'm learning to accept some things, and changing how I think about others, and... I'm comfortable now. I'm looking forward to things.

Tiny Sammich

So I was sitting in my room this morning pondering the meaning of life, when I came across the subject of doughnuts. At Tim Horton's, why are there timbits but no bagel-bits? I mean, if you're claiming that they're the leftover pieces from the holes in doughnuts, logically there should be leftover bits from bagels as well, correct? They could even make little bagel-hole sandwiches. Bagel sliders. 

Huh. Those sound surprisingly delicious. 

... I really ought to go study for math. 

I WILL FUCKING KNOCK YOU OFF THIS PLATFORM INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL

I'm extremely ecstatic right now, and I honestly don't have a clue why.
Chances are the main reason for my high level of happiness is due to the fact that I don't have that sinking feeling of despair I usually get the night before a math test. The LAST math test before exams, might I add. That and Thursday evenings are but fantastic regardless.

Also, I was pondering what makes me swear the most (apart from sleep, apparently), and I'm pretty sure it's a person (of sorts).

Mario the Fucking Plumber.

Doesn't even matter what game. Shit gets competitive.

Steve Would Have Died Without Dawn

I feel strangely euphoric, satisfied.
Today was alright. Better than expected, all things considered.

I want to be a lynx. I want to be alone, and happy. I don't want to have to rely on someone else, I don't want to need to have someone to rely on, I don't want to want someone to talk to, and I don't want to need someone to love. but I do. I'm human, and I get lonely. Unfortunately, I'm also picky and I change my mind too often.
Heh.

I'm in the process of watching show about people getting hit by lightning, during which I will probably partake in the nomming of some ice cream.

Farewell.